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February 4, 2010
My Anger is Justified"
Some view their
anger as justified because they are right and others are wrong. They
believe that being right is the only ticket required to launch into
an adult temper tantrum. But saying "He made me angry" implies
that external events require emotional intensity. The dad who links
the trigger (what "made" him angry) and response (what he
does with his anger) too closely ends up believing that others have
made him the way he is.
do this, they often blame their kids for problems and rarely take responsibility
for their own emotions. In many cases, of course, the child is indeed
wrong. It isn't helpful, though, to expect our children to bear the
responsibility of our anger in addition to what they did wrong. The
mom who says, "I wouldn't have to get angry if my kids would listen
the first time," has fallen into the trap of blaming her children
for her angry responses.
The truth of
the matter is that it doesn't take much intelligence to see something
wrong, but it takes wisdom to know how to respond to it. There's a
big difference between a button that pops up on a turkey to announce
that it's done and a cook who knows how to make a great dinner. Some
people are like those little turkey buttons—whenever something goes
wrong they pop up with angry reactions and they try to justify abusiveness
because they see a problem.
It's not enough
to be right in life; parents also need to be wise. Real wisdom knows
how to respond in a way that brings change, not revenge. As parents,
we don't just want to punish our kids for doing something wrong; we
want to help them change their hearts. Anger may reveal what's wrong,
but it's rarely a good solution to a problem. Once you identify an
offense, it's best to consider how to motivate change.
Click here to
share some ideas with others about how you bring about change in your
kids without anger.
tip comes from the book Good
and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by
Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN,BSN.
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