Sibling conflict is a child’s first class in relationship
training. You are the teacher, your home is the classroom,
and honor is the curriculum. Developing honor as a lifestyle
in your family can turn relationships around. Honor is
the solution to sibling conflict. In fact honor is the
solution for all relationship struggles.
We believe that God has placed every person in a family
for a reason. Sometimes a child is annoying or irritating.
That’s a problem and that child needs to learn self-control
and sensitivity to overcome those tendencies. But that
doesn’t mean that other siblings can be mean. We like to
tell children that maybe God has placed that annoying child
into your life to teach you some valuable lessons about
The concept of honor is taught in the book Say
Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in
You and Your Kids. In this book three roadblocks to sibling conflict
are identified and their honor-based solutions become the
tools for change to take place.
The first roadblock to sibling harmony is anger. Children
not only need a plan for dealing with their own anger but
God’s solution is to learn to be a peacemaker. Unfortunately,
in family life, many times children are troublemakers instead
of peacemakers. It takes work to develop the skills necessary
for becoming a peacemaker but it’s worth the effort.
The second roadblock to sibling harmony is selfishness.
This involves things like wanting to be first or best,
tattling, and much of the quarreling between children.
God’s solution is described in the Bible story of the two
guys who wanted the best seat. Two disciples, James and
John, came with their mother to Jesus in Matthew 20:20-28
with the request that one sit on Jesus’ right and the other
on his left when he sets up his kingdom. That is the same
kind of selfishness many children demonstrate by their
competitiveness and comparison with brothers and sisters.
Jesus’ answer provides the solution. He says, “whoever
wants to become great among you must be your servant.”
Servanthood is the biblical solution to selfishness. Teaching
children to serve one another is a primary task in managing
The third roadblock to sibling harmony is foolishness,
usually demonstrated through meanness, teasing, and intentionally
annoying others. God’s solution for foolishness is wisdom.
A wise person recognizes the consequences of present actions.
Children need to learn how to become wise and much of the
sibling conflict provides opportunities for them to learn
The concept of honor taught in the book Say
Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in You
and Your Kids will give you many ideas for helping children
make significant changes in the way they interact. In addition,
the Kids Honor Club children’s curriculum, designed for
kids ages 3-12, provides many hands on activities, games,
Bible stories and crafts to teach honor to children. Three
of the thirteen lessons address the issue of sibling conflict.
Children have a sin nature often demonstrated
in anger, selfishness, and foolishness. God provides salvation
through his Son to help address the root problem of sin
in our lives. Your continued work in the area of sibling
conflict can help children learn how to follow God’s
principles in helpful ways. Kids need to learn the tools
of successful relationships. They need to learn to negotiate,
compromise, and be creative in conflict. Your children
have a lot to learn about life. The daily interactions
within a family are the opportunities they need to practice
new skills. In Romans 12:10 God instructs his children
to honor one another. This principle is for our earthly