Understanding the Three Stages of Adolescence (and How to Parent Effectively in Each One)

Dr Scott Turansky If you’ve ever parented a teenager, you know it can feel like trying to hit a moving target. One day your child seems responsible and thoughtful, and the next they’re making decisions that leave you scratching your…

“It’s My Cell Phone, So Don’t Try to Limit Me”

Dr Scott Turansky If you’ve heard that line from your child or teen, you know how quickly a conversation about screen time can turn into a power struggle. Many parents feel stuck in those moments. On one hand, they want to give their child…

I’m 18 now so don’t tell me what to do

Dr Scott Turansky If you’ve heard those words in your home, you’re not alone. Turning 18 often brings a shift in how teens see themselves. They feel older, more capable, and eager for independence. And that’s not a bad thing. In fact,…
Adulthood

Does 18 Mean Adulthood?

Dr Scott Turansky If you’ve parented a teenager, you’ve probably heard it: “I’m 18 now. I’m an adult. You can’t tell me what to do.” That statement often marks the beginning of a new kind of tension in the home. Parents…

When Your Child Won’t Listen: Looking Beyond Behavior to the Heart

Aaron had heard the instruction three times. “Go put your shoes away.” Each time, his response was the same. No response at all. He kept building with his blocks as if nothing had been said. What started as a simple request quickly…
With this simple idea, kids can learn to see things that need to be done and do them without being asked. You don’t believe it? Read on. THE SECRET: You’ll have to adjust the way you parent. Every parent knows the frustration of having to give the same reminders again and again. “Put your shoes away.” “Feed the dog.” “Clean your room.” “Don’t forget your backpack.” Sometimes it feels like our children are waiting for us to prompt them before they do anything. The constant reminding is exhausting and discouraging, and many parents wonder whether their children will ever take responsibility on their own. There is a simple idea that can change the whole dynamic: teaching children to recognize and respond to cues. A cue is anything in the environment that signals what needs to be done. Adults use cues all the time. You glance at the doorway and automatically check whether the lights are off. You walk up the stairs and instinctively grab something that needs to be taken with you. You see dishes on the counter and put them in the sink without anyone asking. These cues prompt responsibility because over time your heart has developed a habit of noticing what needs attention. Teaching Children to Look for Cues Children can learn the same skill, but they often need help connecting the dots. Many kids rely on their parent to be the cue. The trash is overflowing, but the child waits until Mom says something. The dog is whining near the door, but the child doesn’t move until Dad speaks up. The backpack is on the floor, but it doesn’t get hung up unless there is a reminder. When parents function as the cue, the child’s thinking stays at a very basic level. They wait for instructions instead of initiating responsibility. One of the most practical things a parent can do is shift the responsibility by helping children identify cues for themselves. When a child begins to see the cues instead of relying on a parent’s words, something powerful happens. They move from external motivation to internal motivation. They begin to think differently, take more initiative, and develop confidence in their ability to manage life. A mom once wished her daughters would come into the house without leaving a trail of shoes, backpacks, and lunch pails behind them. She could follow the trail to find her children every afternoon. So we talked about what the right response should look like. She said she wanted them to walk in the door, put their lunch boxes on the counter, hang their backpacks, and then continue with their afternoon. Once she identified the right response, the doorway became the cue. So instead of nagging, she began to train. She stood at the doorway and said, “We’re coming into the house.” If the girls dropped items on their way in, she gently said, “Whoops, wrong response. Let’s go back out and try again.” She wasn’t scolding. She was teaching them to see the cue and follow it. Over time, responsibility grew naturally. Parents Can Learn to Teach About Cues Parents can begin this process by having simple conversations. “What tells you it’s time to feed the dog?” “How do you know when your recycling needs to be taken out?” “What could you watch for so you remember to start your homework?” These questions help children look around and see signals they’ve been missing. When they can name the cue, they can start responding to it without waiting to be told. This kind of training also reaches the heart. Scripture teaches that the conscience works closely with our sense of duty. Paul said, “I have fulfilled my duty to God in all good conscience to this day” (Acts 23:1 NIV). When a child learns the right way to enter the house, to care for their belongings, or to complete a task, their conscience begins to prompt them. It may feel small at first, but when a child senses, “I need to do that,” responsibility is growing inside their heart. That inner prompting is far more powerful than any external reminder. Children don’t naturally develop this on their own. It’s something parents teach through practice, repetition, and encouragement. But when kids start connecting cues to right actions, their character begins to form. Over time, they become more thoughtful, more organized, more attentive, and more motivated. The character they build now will equip them for school, friendships, future work, and spiritual growth. It’s a gift that lasts a lifetime. If you want your children to learn responsibility, start with cues. Point them out. Talk about them. Practice responding to them. Help your children move from waiting to be reminded toward taking initiative on their own. It’s a simple idea, but it can transform your home, strengthen your child’s heart, and reduce stress for everyone. To learn more about practical, biblical tools that strengthen the heart of a child, consider taking the THRIVE! Course. It offers encouraging, strategic teaching to help you bring lasting change to your family. Learn more about THRIVE! at app.biblicalparenting.org/thrive and begin building a strategy that transforms your child’s heart.

Training Kids to See What You See

Dr Scott Turansky With this simple idea, kids can learn to see things that need to be done and do them without being asked. You don’t believe it? Read on. THE SECRET: You’ll have to adjust the way you parent. Every parent knows…
Raising Kids Who Think Ahead

Raising Kids Who Think Ahead

Dr Scott Turansky Move your kids from Level One Thinking to Level Two Thinking and you’ll see major change. But it starts in you. Let me explain. If you’ve ever wondered why parenting feels like an endless loop of reminders, instructions,…
Transform Your Parenting Voice

Transform Your Parenting Voice

Dr Scott Turansky One of the most transformative ideas for parents is learning to shift from “policeman parenting” to “coach parenting.” It happens in your voice. Here’s how. Many moms and dads feel like they spend their days…
Helping Children Hear God’s Voice

Helping Children Hear God’s Voice

Dr Scott Turansky I call it “super powers.” Kids need this. Let me explain. Every parent wants to see real, lasting change in their children. We long for them to grow in cooperation, kindness, self-control, and wisdom. But if you’ve…

Helping Kids Take Ownership

Dr Scott Turansky Some kids get stuck. Maybe it’s anger. Maybe it’s arguing. Maybe it’s disrespect or explosive reactions. You correct the behavior, you offer wisdom, you give consequences, yet your child seems stuck. You want change,…
When Kids Need More than “Stop It!”

When Kids Need More than “Stop It!”

Dr Scott Turansky Every parent has had the experience of telling a child what needs to change. Stop arguing. You’re mean. That’s a bad attitude. You’re being irresponsible. And often, the child can repeat back exactly what you said…
Why Screen Battles Escalate So Quickly

Why Screen Battles Escalate So Quickly

Dr Scott Turansky Most parents don’t mind telling their kids to get off electronics. What wears them down is the attitude that comes next. Eye-rolling. Sharp words. Ignoring you. Anger that seems way out of proportion to the request. At…