Parenting During the Preteen Years

Something has shifted. You can feel it. Your child is still the same kid you’ve always loved but they seem a little more distant, a little more argumentative, and a lot more interested in their phone than in you.

During the ages of 9 to 12, children go through some of the most significant internal changes of their entire development. Their thinking patterns deepen. Their worldview begins to solidify. Their sense of identity is forming. And the relationship you have with them right now is either strengthening or quietly fraying – depending on what’s happening in these everyday moments.

This is the time to double down on connection. To keep the doors of communication open. To build the trust that means your child will come to you when things get really hard in a few years. You can do this.

Cultivating Responsibilty is a handbook for parenting the older elementary child. In particular, you might like Chapter 7 that outlines 12 Tasks Of Responsibility for this age. Your child can use it as a self-report card producing some awareness of the importance of responsibility in these areas.

If you’re not seeing internal motivation at this stage, now is the time to focus on it. Your preteen should increasingly be able to manage their own mornings, handle homework without constant reminders, and take initiative with responsibilities at home. If that’s not happening, it’s not too late, but it does require an intentional shift in your parenting approach. The Parenting is Heart Work course gives you exactly that. Transferring responsibility to children to manage themselves more and more is the focus of the book Motivate Your Child.

Furthermore, if you’re seeing a particular challenge in your child that makes you feel uncomfortable, then you’ll want to develop a plan now to address it. The book Motivate Your Child Action Plan is designed to help you develop that individualized plan. It comes with 12 audio sessions as well as tips for how to present the changes to your child and establish accountability.

We have a lot of resources to help you work with your child between the ages of 9 and 12 years.