Parenting During the Elementary Years

The elementary years can feel like a bit of a sweet spot. Your child is past the chaos of the early years and not yet in the storm of adolescence. But don’t let the relative calm fool you. So much is happening beneath the surface right now.

During the ages of 6 to 12, children change in significant ways. Their thinking patterns and mental abilities go through major developments. Personality, character, and a worldview are being formed and molded for the long term. The choices you make as a parent right now – how you correct, how you connect, how you build responsibility – will shape who your child becomes as an adult.

You have more influence in these years than you might realize. Let’s use it well.

We have two books to walk you through these stages. Elementary Foundations is the book featured at the bottom of this page. It gives insights and strategies for parenting the 5-8 year old. Cultivating Responsibilty is the handbook for parenting the older elementary child. In particular, you might like Chapter 7 that outlines 12 Tasks Of Responsibility for this age. Your child can use it as a self-report card producing some awareness of the importance of responsibility in these areas.

Developing responsibility and wisdom are two significant priorities at this stage. In addition to these two qualities, children often demonstrate heart quality strengths that you’ll want to encourage. Unfortunately, some of those strengths can be misused, requiring the need to develop additional heart qualities to balance things out.

For example, Jennifer, age eight, is easy-going, laid back, and tolerant. Those are great qualities that help her remain calm with her brother, comply with Mom’s requests, and make transitions easily in family life. However, Jennifer is also quite tolerant of messes, doesn’t take initiative to do chores without being prodded, and isn’t doing her best at school. Jennifer has some great heart qualities but needs additional ones such as thoroughness, thoughtfulness, and attention to detail in order to be most effective.

This is the ideal developmental stage to build internal motivation in your child. If you’re repeating yourself constantly, nagging, reminding, and still not seeing results, that’s not a discipline problem – it’s a heart problem. There’s a whole toolbox of parenting strategies that can transfer responsibility to your child in a way that actually sticks. The Parenting is Heart Work course walks you through exactly how to do that. The book Motivate Your Child is also a great resource.

Furthermore, if you’re seeing a particular challenge in your child that makes you feel uncomfortable, then you’ll want to develop a plan now to address it. The book Motivate Your Child Action Plan is designed to help you develop that individualized plan. It comes with 12 audio sessions as well as tips for how to present the changes to your child and establish accountability.

Chapter 8 in the book Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids contains a list of several heart qualities along with the ways those qualities can be over-emphasized and misused. This chapter also gives you a six-step plan to address some of the more deeply rooted problems children experience, helping you develop a positive approach to overcoming these weaknesses. Eight different parenting problems are addressed in the Home Improvement book, with each chapter containing a fictional story about a family that realizes they have a problem in family life and then discover a solution to overcome it. The rest of the chapter teaches you how to apply those solutions to your family. The eight audio session series entitled, Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting provides you with the teaching of Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN to guide you through these same eight family essentials.

We have a lot of resources to help you work with your child between the ages of 6 and 12 years. This page will guide you through the many resources we offer so you can find the best ones to suit your needs.

1. Discipline Strategies

Parents of elementary age children need tools to address the ever-changing challenges of family life. To set a foundation of good relational routines, we suggest you work through the Heart Work Training Manual with 8 Audio Sessions. This set of eight lessons provide you with practical solutions for helping children learn to follow instructions, receive correction, deal with attitudes, accept no as an answer, understand repentance, and help you connect on a heart level. One of the chapters in that Training Manual provides you with seven categories of consequences to use with your children. Most importantly, that lesson shows you how to use those consequences to help your child grow toward maturity using a map-mentality. Your child is at point A on the map and needs to get to point B by developing a particular heart quality. This lesson teaches you how to use consequences to move your child along the path to point B.

The book Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids identifies seven things that make parents angry. These are things like, “My kids don’t listen or follow instructions,” “They keep doing the wrong thing and nothing seems to help,” “They lie,” “They’re annoying,” “They won’t accept no for an answer,” and “They always grumble and complain.” We then provide specific solutions for these common problems. This practical book helps reduce anger by giving you plans to address the problems you face. We know that parents who don’t have good plans use anger to solve problems so we’ve given you the parenting strategies that will work.

2. Growing in Honor

We believe that God has hidden within honor the secret ingredients that will help kids be successful in life. Honor is one of the most transforming concepts you can teach your elementary-age child. The Honor course gives you a practical, biblical approach to teaching your child what it looks like to treat people as special, do more than what’s expected, and have a good attitude. Those three things will serve your child in every relationship they have for the rest of their life. The book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids explains honor and shows you how to teach it to children. Not only do children learn to honor you as parents but they learn what honor means in practical terms. We define honor as treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected and having a good attitude. Those three components of honor address many of the challenges faced in family life. The children’s curriculum called the Kids Honor Club will help you teach the concept of honor to your children in thirteen lessons. Kids will learn how honor deals with selfishness, anger, and foolishness. They’ll learn through activities, Bible stories, crafts, and games how to add energy to family life instead of draining it out. The Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids audio series contains eight audio sessions of Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN teaching these concepts to parents. You might want to play these in the car and talk about them with your children.

3. Understanding the Heart

One of the most important biblical parenting concepts is to work with children on a heart-level. If parents rely only on behavior modification to get things done, children develop a selfishness and demandingness about life. When receiving an instruction, children want to know what’s in it for them. When being corrected, they look for ways to blame and rationalize and not take personal responsibility. A heart-based approach to parenting is different.
The book Parenting is Heart Work is the result of a study of the 750 times the word “heart” is used in the Bible. Nine functions of the heart are revealed in this study and then applied to parents who want to touch their children’s hearts. You may want to listen to the Parenting is Heart Work Audio, eight sessions taught by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN on practical ways to develop a heart-based approach to parenting.

The book Family Heart Moments is the result of a contest in 2007 where parents were asked to submit Heart Moment Stories. We took the best 70 stories and wove them together with teaching to provide you with a tool that will show you in practical, hands-on ways how to develop or take advantage of heart moments in your family.

The Treasure Hunters Children’s Curriculum was written to help you teach these concepts to your children. Eight lessons provide Bible stories, crafts, activities, science experiments, and games to teach children about how to follow instruction, receive correction, accept no as an answer, have a good attitude, and several more common family themes.

You may also enjoy listening to the MP3 by Nyla Rayburn entitled, Personality Style + Learning Style = Reaching your Child. This is a fun look at how personality and learning styles affect the family and ways you can reach your child best by understanding what makes him or her tick.

4. Spiritual Training

The language of children is activity. When you use activities to teach your children biblical truth, you’re following what Christ modeled when he taught his disciples. He took common, easy to understand objects and stories and used them to teach his disciples about the kingdom. You can do the same thing by using activities and object lessons that capture a child’s attention. We’ve put together several books to help you. The Family Time Activities books give you fun activities together with Bible stories to teach spiritual truths to your children. You may download a sample activity here. There are six books altogether, three for children of all ages, two for families with preschoolers, and one for families with teenagers.

Get motivated to develop a Family Time in your home by listening to the author of these books, Kirk Weaver, teach about Fun and Effective Spiritual Training. Or, listen to Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN teach a similar session entitled, Having Fun Teaching Spiritual Truths. Also, Rob Rienow’s MP3 God’s Grand Vision for the Home will inspire you to be the primary spiritual trainer of your own children. This one area of parenting is foundational and has ramifications for everything else you do as a parent.

5. Teaching Children about Sex

It’s not sufficient nowadays to have one conversation about sex when kids are eleven or twelve. Frequent, honest dialogue about this subject is essential for children to understand and manage this area of their lives. After all, they’re continually bombarded with messages from the media and our culture. Parents need to help children process what they’re hearing and seeing.

We recommend the book How to Talk Confidently with Your Child About Sex. This book helps you understand what’s appropriate to teach at what age and how to dialogue about relationships, privacy, reproduction, boy-girl relationships, and sex. In addition there are five books written for children, developmentally appropriate for each age group, from preschool right on up to young adult. These books are designed for parents and children to be read and discuss. We suggest having a discussion at least once a year to address new interests and questions your child might have. Parents need to take the initiative in the area; otherwise children may go elsewhere seek out the facts.

6. Specific Issues

Maybe you’re running into some specific problems with your preschooler. Click on a categories below to learn ways to address the problem you’re facing. Some of these links will lead to resources already mentioned above but may help you by pointing out what chapters or which MP3 might best address your concern.

7. Additional Support and Help

We know that parents sometimes feel overwhelmed or feel lost when it comes to the challenges they face. You’re doing the best that you can but you know that the particular problem you’re facing needs some additional wisdom. We offer several tools to help you.

First, please take a moment to sign up for free email parenting tips. They come into your inbox a couple times a week and provide you with ideas and encouragement to parent your child’s heart.

We have a closed, personalized group focused on heart-based parenting. It’s made up of coaches and parents who are committed to raising their children from a biblical, practical approach. We encourage you to checkout Thriving Kids Connection to learn more.

Another resource would be to attend a live parenting seminar. The National Center for Biblical Parenting offers several different parenting seminars that can help you grow. These professional teachers provide training for you in specific areas.

Parents often benefit from individual, one-on-one help. Dr. Scott Turansky and his team of coaches offer phone coaching for parents across the country. It’s during this stage of parenting that parents often benefit from the 8-week Biblical Parenting Coaching Program. It’s a powerful parent training mentorship program under the leadership of a coach whom you meet with each week over the phone.

At the National Center for Biblical Parenting we’re continually looking for new and helpful ideas and strategies to support you in your parenting. We have new products coming out regularly and we’d love to keep you informed about them. Please stop by often to see what’s new or sign up for free email parenting tips to hear about the latest developments.

Elementary Foundations

Parenting Wisdom for Ages 5-8 Years
by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN
with Shannon Kulp

Learn what a heart-based approach to parenting looks like for the early elementary age child.

Many new things happen during the ages of 5-8. Children start school, develop significant friendships, learn to think abstractly instead of just concretely, and have a greater ability to draw close to God. Parenting during this stage produces a number of challenges and opportunities so you’ll want to be prepared.

You will learn:

How to increase problem-solving skills
Ways to develop independence and confidence
How to pray for and with your child
Practical tools for social skills development
Solutions for homework, mealtimes, and morning routines
Strategies for addressing anger and frustration in kids
How to discover your child’s uniqueness
and much more

The short, concise chapters provide you with an excellent tool to walk you through parenting of elementary age children. You won’t want to miss the insights of these professionals that you’ll use on a regular basis.

Order eBook $9.99 Order Paperback $14.99

Want to make the most of these important years?

The Biblical Parenting MasterClass gives you a complete toolkit for heart-based parenting that works beautifully at the elementary stage. You’ll learn how to build internal motivation, how to correct effectively without damaging your relationship, and how to develop the connection that will carry you through the teen years.

Explore the Biblical Parenting MasterClass

Here are other resources targeted for specific ages

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: My 8-year-old has such a bad attitude lately. Everything is an eye roll. How do I handle this?

A: Attitude is a heart issue. The behavior on the outside is showing you what’s going on inside. Rather than just cracking down on the eye roll, look for what’s driving it. Is your child feeling unheard? Overwhelmed? Disrespected by siblings? When you address the heart, the attitude often shifts. And in the meantime, hold a clear, calm standard for how they speak to you.

Q: I feel like I’m nagging my child about homework and chores every single day. There has to be a better way.

A: There is. The key is transferring ownership. When you’re always reminding, your child learns to rely on you instead of developing their own internal responsibility. Sit down together, decide on clear expectations, put a system in place, and then step back and let natural consequences do some of the teaching. It’s harder at first but it produces real change.

Q: My kids fight with each other all day long. I feel like a referee. What can I actually do?

A: Sibling conflict at this age is exhausting. The goal is to teach them how to resolve conflict, not just stop it for them. When you constantly intervene, you’re taking away their chance to practice. Start giving them a process for working it out themselves. Come back to you only if they can’t solve it. It takes time but it builds real skills.

Q: My 9-year-old argues about absolutely everything. Is this normal?

A: Very normal but that doesn’t mean you just accept it. Kids who argue a lot are often looking for more control or feeling like they’re not being heard. Give them appropriate ways to share their opinion respectfully and hold clear limits on what’s negotiable. Arguing your every decision is not okay. A respectful appeal is something you can actually welcome and teach.

Q: My child does okay at school but is completely different at home. Why?

A: This is actually pretty common and it usually means your child is working hard to hold it together all day and releasing everything at home because home is safe. As frustrating as it is, the fact that home is the safe place is actually a good sign. It doesn’t mean you accept the behavior, but it helps to understand where it’s coming from.

Q: How do I keep my child interested in faith when everything else is competing for their attention?

A: Relationship is the key. Kids this age are starting to think more critically and they need to see that faith is real and personal, not just a list of rules. Pray with them, share your own faith honestly including the doubts and questions, and create space for them to ask hard things. When faith is a conversation, not just a requirement, it tends to stick.

Q: My child says ‘I hate you’ when they’re angry. How should I respond?

A: Stay calm. Don’t match the intensity. You can say something like ‘I know you’re really upset right now. We’ll talk when you calm down.’ Then after things settle, have a conversation about how we speak to people we love, even when we’re angry. Words have weight and kids need to learn that. But the calm, connected conversation after the storm is where the real teaching happens.

Q: How do I build responsibility in my child without it becoming a constant battle?

A: Make it collaborative. Involve your child in setting up the system. When kids have a voice in the expectations, they’re much more invested in following through. Start small, celebrate progress, and build from there. Responsibility isn’t something you can demand. It’s something you have to build gradually over time through consistent practice and trust.

Parenting During the Elementary Years

1. Discipline Strategies

2. Growing in Honor

3. Understanding the Heart

4. Spiritual Training

5. Teaching Children about Sex

6. Specific Issues

7. Additional Support and Help

Elementary Foundations

Want to make the most of these important years?

Here are other resources targeted for specific ages

Infants

Toddlers

Preschoolers

Elementary Age

Pre-Teen

Teens

Adult Kids

HANDBOOK

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: My 8-year-old has such a bad attitude lately. Everything is an eye roll. How do I handle this?

Q: I feel like I’m nagging my child about homework and chores every single day. There has to be a better way.

Q: My kids fight with each other all day long. I feel like a referee. What can I actually do?

Q: My 9-year-old argues about absolutely everything. Is this normal?

Q: My child does okay at school but is completely different at home. Why?

Q: How do I keep my child interested in faith when everything else is competing for their attention?

Q: My child says ‘I hate you’ when they’re angry. How should I respond?

Q: How do I build responsibility in my child without it becoming a constant battle?

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