Honor: God’s Secret Tool to Transform Your Child’s Heart

Disrespect. Eye-rolling, backtalk, sarcasm, angry outbursts, or silent withdrawal. If you’re a parent, you’ve felt the sting of it. Few things create tension in a home faster than the sharp edges of a disrespectful tone. We long for respect, not just because it makes family life smoother, but because it reflects something deeper—the health of a child’s heart.

The truth is that disrespect isn’t merely a behavior problem. It’s a heart problem. And if we treat it only as a behavior issue—correcting it, punishing it, or yelling louder—we’ll miss the real opportunity for change. God has given parents an incredible tool to reshape both their children’s hearts and the atmosphere of their homes. That tool is honor.

The Difference between Obedience and Honor

Obedience is certainly important. Children need to follow instructions and respect rules. But obedience alone only “gets the job done.” Honor, on the other hand, changes how the job is done. If obedience helps children “fly straight,” honor helps them “fly high.” Honor takes parenting beyond rules and discipline into the realm of relationships, transforming not only what children do, but how they do it—and why. It’s the secret ingredient that turns mechanical compliance into heartfelt connection, and it’s God’s idea, deeply rooted in Scripture.

One powerful way to understand honor is to see it as God’s anti-selfishness curriculum. Every human being has a natural bent toward self. Children—and adults—are born with a sin nature that pulls them inward. Left unchecked, that self-focus becomes fertile ground for disrespect, entitlement, and disconnection.

Honor, however, pushes us outward. It teaches us to notice others, value them, and choose to serve even when we don’t feel like it. Romans 12:10 says, “Honor one another above yourselves.” When children learn honor, they begin to ask questions like, “How can I make this situation better?” “How can I help someone else succeed?” or “How can I bring joy to my family?” That shift—from self to others—is monumental. It doesn’t just fix today’s problem; it equips kids with life skills for marriage, work, ministry, and friendships for the rest of their lives.

Try This Illustration

Here’s a vivid illustration that can help children grasp the power of honor. Fill a plate with water and sprinkle pepper over the surface. The pepper represents disrespect, tension, and selfishness floating around in family life. Now dip your finger into some dish soap and touch the surface of the water. Instantly, the pepper scatters to the edges of the plate. In the same way, when parents bring honor into their home, it pushes selfishness and disrespect out of the center of relationships. Honor truly changes the atmosphere of family life.

Teaching honor begins with helping children learn to treat people as special. This idea comes straight from the biblical words for honor. In the Old Testament, the word kabod means “heavy” or “weighty.” In the New Testament, the word time means “value.” To honor someone is to recognize that they are significant and worth our care and attention. Practically, parents can start by simply using the word “honor” more often in everyday life. Saying things like, “I bought your favorite ice cream today to honor you,” or “Let’s find a way to honor Dad when he comes home,” plants the idea that honor is woven into family relationships.

Parents can encourage their children to look for ways to build others up, offer compliments, express words of encouragement, and perform small acts of kindness, even for a sibling who annoys them.

Send Kids on Honor Missions

Another creative tool parents can use is sending their kids on “honor missions.” You might say, “Go into the living room and find one way to show honor.” Children might fluff the pillows, pick up toys, or leave a note of encouragement. These small moments teach kids that relationships are not just about rules, but about valuing others. That’s the soil where respect and connection grow.

Another powerful piece of honor is doing more than what’s expected. Obedience stops at the line of compliance. Honor crosses that line. A child might clean their room because they’re told to, but honor motivates them to straighten the bookshelf, too, or leave a note saying, “I love you.”

One mother shared how she sent her son to set the dinner table and told him to do an “honor activity.” At first, he was puzzled. But then he made name cards for everyone. Later, he created a special centerpiece. That’s honor in action. Imagine a child taking that same mindset into friendships, marriage, work, and church life. Honor teaches kids to see needs and meet them without waiting to be asked.

And Let’s Not Forget Attitude

Finally, honor involves having a good attitude. When children come into a room with a bad attitude, it’s as if they bring clouds with them. When they arrive with a good attitude, it’s like they bring the sunshine. Children need to know they’re responsible for the emotional “weather” they bring into family life. Parents can help kids practice greeting family members with smiles, accepting “no” without whining, and praising positive attitudes as much as good behavior. These small changes transform the climate of a home.

Honor isn’t just a tool to stop disrespect. It’s a way to build strong, joyful families and equip children for life. Imagine a home where children speak kindly even when frustrated, siblings look for ways to help one another, teens do chores without being asked, just to bless the family, and the atmosphere is filled with lightness instead of tension. That vision is possible. God’s vision for family is one where honor flows freely and reshapes hearts.

If disrespect has been stealing the joy from your home, don’t settle for managing behavior. Go deeper. Work on the heart. Teach honor.

Want to discover more practical ways to transform disrespect into honor in your family? Explore the full session on honor and other life-changing tools in the class, How a Heart-Based Approach to Parenting Changes Everything. Click here to learn more.