The Gift of Admiration: Why Noticing the Good in Your Spouse Changes Everything

When you first fell in love, admiration came easily. You noticed all the good in your spouse—their kindness, their humor, their strengths. But over time, as life gets busy and stress increases, admiration can fade. Instead of seeing the best in each other, it’s easy to focus on what’s frustrating or lacking.

But here’s the truth: Admiration isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you choose. And when you intentionally look for and express admiration in your marriage, it can transform the way you see and relate to your spouse.

On a personal note, I find as I talk with folks who have read this book, this chapter seems to be the most touching and most difficult for some reason. People have said that this chapter articulates these ideas in ways that powerfully point out the internal challenges and give practical steps to move forward. I’d be interested to hear what you think.

Why Admiration Matters in Marriage

Admiration is a powerful force in relationships because it:

• Builds emotional closeness – Feeling valued and appreciated strengthens connection.
• Reduces criticism and negativity – When you focus on what’s good, small frustrations lose their power.
• Encourages growth – When you admire the good in your spouse, it inspires them to keep growing in those areas.

Philippians 4:8 reminds us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

This applies to marriage too. Choosing to focus on what is admirable in your spouse shifts the entire atmosphere of your relationship.

3 Simple Ways to Cultivate Admiration in Your Marriage

1. Notice the Good—On Purpose

If admiration has faded, it’s time to retrain your eyes to see the good in your spouse again. Each day, make it a habit to look for something positive—a character trait, an action, or a simple moment of kindness.

Ask yourself:

• What do I appreciate about my spouse today?
• What is something they do well that I’ve overlooked?
• How has my spouse shown love, faithfulness, or strength recently?

When you actively look for good, you’ll start to see more of it.

2. Speak Admiration Out Loud

Noticing good is powerful. Saying it out loud is even more impactful.

Make it a habit to express admiration in small ways:

• “I love the way you handled that situation today.”
• “I admire your patience and kindness with the kids.”
• “I’m grateful for how hard you work for our family.”

Your words have the power to build up your spouse’s confidence and deepen your emotional bond.

3. Replace Criticism with Encouragement

It’s easy to point out what’s wrong. But what if, instead of criticizing, you focused on affirming the good?

Instead of: “You never help with anything around here.”
Try: “I really appreciate it when you take care of things at home—it means a lot to me.”

Instead of: “You’re always distracted.”
Try: “I love it when we have focused time together. Let’s do more of that.”

Shifting from criticism to encouragement changes the tone of your marriage and invites more love, grace, and connection.

Admiration Can Transform Your Marriage

Your spouse doesn’t have to change for you to start admiring them more. The choice to see and express appreciation is yours. And as you cultivate admiration, you may find that your marriage begins to shift in powerful, unexpected ways.

If you want to explore more heart-based exercises that can strengthen your marriage, check out Activate Your Marriage: 12 Exercises for Personal Growth and to Strengthen Your Marriage.

For a limited time, you can get $5 off when you purchase the book at:

👉 biblicalparenting.org/marriage

Your marriage is worth investing in. Start admiring the good in your spouse today!