Helping Children Deal with Selfishness at Christmas

The Christmas season brings an abundance of joy and togetherness, but for many families, it also reveals some challenges—particularly when it comes to selfishness. Children, and even adults, can become consumed with “what I want” rather than “how can I give?” As Christian parents, we have the unique opportunity to help our children grow through these challenges, learning to shift their focus from self-centered desires to Christ-centered generosity.

Dr. Scott Turansky recently talked with Elena Swetsloot on our podcast about this very subject. You’ll want to listen to it.

The Challenge of Selfishness at Christmas

Selfishness often stems from the overwhelming excitement and expectations built around the holidays. Children may rush from one gift to another, only to feel disappointed when the “high” of unwrapping presents fades. This emotional letdown isn’t necessarily because they didn’t receive what they wanted; it’s the result of misplaced focus. When children (and sometimes adults) view Christmas as a season of getting, the true meaning of the holiday gets lost in the shuffle.

Selfishness at Christmastime isn’t limited to children. It can appear in various forms, from adults overindulging in materialism to children being upset over a sibling’s gift. But Christmas presents an ideal moment to teach lessons about generosity, gratitude, and contentment. Here are several practical ideas that will make your Christmas more unselfish.

1. Teaching Children to Give Instead of Focus on Getting

The antidote to selfishness is learning to give. Philippians 2:4 reminds us, “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Parents can model and instill this principle by encouraging children to participate in giving during the holiday season. Here’s how:

A. Create Opportunities for Giving

Involve your children in choosing gifts for others, whether it’s for family members, neighbors, or those in need. Let them experience the joy of seeing someone light up because of their thoughtfulness. Younger children might enjoy making homemade cards or baking treats, while older children can budget and shop for meaningful gifts.

B. Teach Gratefulness

Gratitude is a powerful tool to combat selfishness. Help children pause between gifts to acknowledge who gave it to them. Developing a tradition of taking turns opening presents, allows for moments of reflection and gratitude. Teach children to say “thank you,” whether verbally, through a card, or via a phone call to the giver.

C. Incorporate Acts of Kindness

Acts of service can shift the focus away from receiving and toward helping others. Volunteer as a family, donate toys, or create care packages for those in need. Explain that giving, just as Jesus gave His life for us, reflects God’s love in action.

2. Managing Expectations to Prevent Disappointment

Selfishness often masquerades as disappointment when expectations aren’t met. Helping children manage their expectations can go a long way toward fostering contentment.

A. Set Realistic Expectations

Before Christmas Day, talk with your children about what to expect. Let them know how many gifts they’ll receive or what the day’s schedule will look like. This can help curb unrealistic hopes.

B. Focus on Relationships Over Gifts

Remind your children that Christmas is about celebrating Jesus’ birth and spending time together as a family. Sharing stories, playing games, or even enjoying a simple meal can emphasize the value of connection over possessions.

C. Acknowledge Feelings of Disappointment

When disappointment arises, don’t dismiss it. Use it as a teaching moment. Explain that while it’s okay to feel let down, our joy doesn’t come from things but from Jesus. Philippians 4:11-12 teaches us to find contentment in every situation, and this is a lesson we can model and instill in our children.

3. Building Traditions That Emphasize Gratitude and Joy

Creating intentional traditions can help reframe the holiday season in a way that minimizes selfish tendencies and enhances gratitude.

A. Celebrate Jesus’ Birth

Anchor your family traditions in the story of Jesus. Read the nativity story together (Luke 2:1-20) on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning. Engage children in setting up a nativity scene and discussing each figure’s role. These activities keep the focus on Christ.

B. Make Giving Fun

Introduce traditions that celebrate giving, such as a “secret blessing” game where family members anonymously do kind things for each other leading up to Christmas. Alternatively, adopt a family in need and involve your children in the process of giving.

C. Highlight Gratitude Through Reflection

Pause amidst the excitement to reflect on the meaning of each gift. Before moving to the next present, ask your children to consider the effort behind the gift and express appreciation. As a family, take time at the end of Christmas Day to pray together, thanking God for His blessings.

Moving From Selfishness to Generosity

The Christmas season provides countless opportunities to teach children that life is about more than what we receive. Jesus Himself modeled the ultimate act of giving by coming to earth as a Savior. John 3:16 reminds us, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” When we help our children focus on Christ’s example, we equip them with a perspective that extends beyond the holiday season.

Let’s embrace Christmas as a time to instill godly values, emphasizing that giving and gratitude lead to true joy. As parents, we have the privilege of shaping our children’s hearts, redirecting them from selfish desires toward a life of generosity and thankfulness.

What about your family?

Are you ready to tackle the Christmas Selfishness Monster? Start small by introducing one giving tradition this year or having an intentional conversation about gratitude with your children. Share your ideas or challenges here so that others can learn.

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