Please help! My Kids Resist Chores!

It’s a common scenario for many parents: You ask your child to complete a chore, and in return, you get whining, complaining, or even avoidance. As parents, we know chores are important not only to maintain the home but to instill responsibility and teamwork in our kids.

But how do we break through the resistance and instill a sense of cooperation?

In this post, we’ll explore why kids often resist chores, the biblical principles behind working together as a family, and how to shift your child’s attitude from avoidance to teamwork.

Watch this video of Dr. Scott Turansky teaching this idea.

The Purpose of Chores: More Than Just Tasks

Many parents fall into the trap of thinking that chores are about completing tasks. However, chores have a deeper purpose. They teach kids about life in society, and it all begins within the family, the smallest unit of society. When kids learn to contribute to the family, they are better prepared to contribute to society.

Society functions on the principle of teamwork—whether it’s in school, at work, or in any community. As children take part in family chores, they’re learning how to operate in this larger societal structure. Galatians 6:2 reminds us, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This passage highlights the idea of teamwork and responsibility for others. When we require our kids to participate in chores, we are teaching them that they are part of something bigger than themselves.

Challenging the “Fun First” Mentality

As parents, it’s easy to slip into a “fun first” mentality with our children. We often send them off to activities with phrases like, “Have fun!” and then when they return, we ask, “Did you have fun?” While there’s nothing wrong with fun, this approach can give the impression that life is primarily about pleasure. But biblically, our purpose goes beyond fun. It’s about serving others, fulfilling a mission, and glorifying God in all that we do.

When children resist chores, they may be thinking that chores interfere with their “fun” time. We must remember that pleasure is the byproduct of a mission-oriented life. We need to help our children understand that the joy of life comes from contributing to something greater, and that begins with the family.

Fostering Teamwork in the Home

To shift your children’s mindset, start by emphasizing that your family is a team. You can even give your family a team name to reinforce the concept, like the “Smith Team” or “The Garcia Crew.” The idea of teamwork can be very powerful in helping children understand that their efforts contribute to the well-being of everyone in the household, not just themselves.

Some children only have chores that relate to their own personal space—like cleaning their rooms or putting away their own clothes. While self-care is important, kids also need to understand they have responsibilities to the entire family. Being in a family means looking for ways to contribute to the collective household, not just tending to their own needs.

Addressing Complaints and Bad Attitudes

If whining and complaining are frequent when it comes to chores, it may be time to rethink your approach. One effective strategy is to increase the number of chores when attitudes are poor. For instance, if a child grumbles while doing one task, you can calmly assign another. This way, they learn that part of their growth involves having a positive attitude while working, not just getting the job done

The way kids do chores is important. Again, it’s not just about the task, but it’s also about the attitude. We all, including children, have a responsibility to add to the emotional climate in the room and that’s where a positive attitude shines.

A Healthy Balance Between Schedules and Chores

Many parents believe their children are too busy to contribute to chores, especially with school, sports, and extracurricular activities. While these activities are important, leaving out household responsibilities can inadvertently teach kids that they don’t need to help others when they’re busy.

But it’s crucial that children learn balance early in life. Teaching kids to contribute at home, even in busy seasons, shows them how to balance their own needs with the needs of others. It also reinforces that we all have a role to play, no matter how full our schedules might be.

Conclusion: Shifting Chores From Drudgery to Duty

Chores are not just about completing tasks—they’re about teaching responsibility, teamwork, and character. A child’s role in the family is not just about receiving. It’s being part of something bigger.

Consider having a family meeting to discuss the concept of teamwork in your home. Talk to your children about their responsibilities and how they contribute to the whole family. And share in the comments how you handle chores in your home.

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