When Parental Anger Gets in the Way

It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of emotions that come with raising children. One of the most challenging emotions to navigate is anger. One mom honestly expressed her own frustration with how her anger was not only dominating her parenting but also damaging her relationship with her kids. If you’re a parent who has experienced this, you’re not alone.

Watch this short video of Dr. Scott Turansky talking about parental anger.

Understanding Anger: A God-Given Emotion

We often think of anger as a “bad” emotion, but the truth is, all emotions, including anger, are God-given. In the video, the speaker highlights that God made us emotional beings, and those emotions serve a purpose. Anger, for instance, can be a signal that something is wrong.

James 1:19-20 gives us insight into how we should handle our emotions: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” This passage reminds us that while anger is a natural response, it often doesn’t lead to the kind of righteousness we desire in our homes. Anger helps us identify the problem, but it isn’t the best tool for solving it.

The Problem with Solving Issues Through Anger

As parents, we often feel like our kids only listen when we raise our voices. Maybe you’ve felt the same. In moments of sibling conflict or disobedience, frustration quickly turns to anger because we feel things are spiraling out of control. This Mom was dealing with this exact issue. Her kids were constantly bickering, and it triggered her anger.

The truth is, when we try to solve problems through anger, we end up damaging relationships. Anger might get temporary compliance, but it rarely results in long-term heart change. It may even lead to resentment or fear, neither of which fosters a loving, Christ-centered relationship with our children.

It’s crucial to remember this powerful statement: Anger is good for identifying problems but not for solving them.

Developing New Strategies

Once this mom recognized that her anger wasn’t leading to the outcomes she desired, she made an important shift. She developed a set of strategies to handle her children’s conflict and disobedience without resorting to anger.

One practical tip she employed was separating her kids when they started to fight and then guiding them through a process of reconciliation. This allowed her to address the root issue—selfishness in both children—without relying on the force of anger to make her point.

We can do the same. When anger arises, it’s a cue that something’s wrong, but before reacting, we need to pause and think. This pause gives us the opportunity to develop a plan that aligns with biblical principles and promotes peace in the home. As parents, our job is to provide correction and training, not punishment through anger.

Proverbs 15:1 reminds us: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Choosing gentle correction over an angry outburst helps maintain the bond we share with our children and models Christ’s love and patience.

Managing Your Own Anger

One of the hardest parts of parenting is managing our own emotions. This mom found that simply acknowledging her anger helped her regain control. Once she admitted that anger was taking over, she was free to develop alternative solutions.

The next time you feel angry, take a moment to reflect on why you’re angry. Ask yourself, “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” Is it revealing an issue that needs to be addressed? Or is it pointing out something in your own heart that needs to change? Often, our anger is tied to unrealistic expectations or our own frustrations rather than our children’s behavior.

Practical Solutions for Everyday Frustrations

Every parent deals with moments that provoke anger—like finding a mess left in the kitchen or siblings arguing over toys. But instead of letting anger take the wheel, try these practical steps:

1. Pause and pray – When you feel anger rising, take a deep breath and ask God for wisdom. Prayer invites God into the moment and gives you a chance to reset.
2. Identify the problem – Instead of reacting immediately, figure out what’s causing the anger. Is it a child’s disobedience, your own tiredness, or something else?
3. Develop a plan – Use your anger as a signal that something needs to change, but then implement a thoughtful solution. This could mean offering correction, creating consequences, or simply providing some space for both you and your child to cool down.
4. Communicate calmly – Address the issue with a gentle but firm tone. Remember, your goal is to correct, not punish in anger. This models emotional self-control and respect for your child.

Anger doesn’t have to get in the way of your parenting. While it’s a natural emotion, God calls us to handle it with care. Recognize anger as a signal that something needs to be addressed, but don’t let it be the method by which you solve the problem. Instead, pause, reflect, and seek God’s wisdom to find a solution that leads to peace and righteousness in your home. What are some ways you’re able to manage your own anger without losing control? Share in the comments and you know people will see them and be encouraged.

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