Raising Kids Who Take Initiative

Every parent knows the exhausting feeling of dragging children through the routines of everyday life. You remind, repeat, negotiate, and remind again. You ask a child to clean up toys, and they wander off halfway through. You call their name three times before they answer. You send them to finish a task, and it takes ten minutes just to get them moving.

Many parents assume that solving these problems means working harder to get kids to obey. But what if obedience isn’t actually the finish line? What if God wants your child to go further?

Let’s evaluate the cooperation level of your child. In fact, let’s consider a “cooperation index” that helps parents rethink how children grow. At the far left is negative behavior like defiance and disrespect. At the middle is simple obedience, where kids do what they’re told.

That’s progress, but it’s not God’s goal for your child. Scripture reveals a bigger vision. God wants children to learn honor. Honor moves kids from zero to positive ten. Obedience gets the job done. Honor gets the heart engaged. Many parents don’t realize that there’s another whole part of the continuum. Moving children from -10 to 0 isn’t enough. We’re not just trying to get rid of a lack of cooperation. Honor is the key to moving to +10.

What is Honor?

Here’s a simple definition that any child can grasp. Honor means treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected, and having a good attitude. Those three qualities help a child move from “I’ll do it if you make me” to “I see what needs to be done, and I’m willing to contribute.”

Parents often feel overwhelmed because they spend all their time trying to move children from negative to neutral. But the real transformation happens when we help children see the benefits of becoming the kind of person who takes initiative. When kids learn honor, the whole atmosphere of family life changes. They are no longer being dragged through their responsibilities. Instead, they become active participants in family life.

So how do we train children in honor in practical ways?

Look for ways to weave honor into daily life. Imagine sending your child on a “mission of honor.” Ask a younger child to do an honor check in the playroom and come back to report what they did. Ask an older child to go into the living room to find something out of place and take initiative to fix it. Children often get excited when they sense the freedom and empowerment that honor brings. Honor is not merely doing what they’re told. It is choosing to care. It is choosing to notice. It is choosing to contribute.

One parent shared a story about a two-year-old who made her bed while Mom was in the shower. It wasn’t a perfect bed, but it was an act of honor. The child couldn’t wait to show her mom. Children light up when they see that their actions matter. Honor taps into the way God designed their hearts.

When you begin using honor language, remember that it takes time. Kids will sometimes respond with “But I didn’t make this mess!” That is your moment to gently guide them: “Honor doesn’t look for ways to get out of work. Honor looks for ways to contribute.” You’re planting seeds that will grow. Honor builds something deep inside a child’s heart that lasts far beyond today’s chores.

Parents often say, “I just want my child to obey.” Obedience is important, but honor is what makes children wise, mature, and thoughtful. Honor helps kids rise above selfishness. It prepares them for relationships, service, leadership, and kindness. It’s customer service brought home.

Honor can open a new pathway of growth in your home.

If you want to learn more about using vision, cooperation, and heart-based tools to bring about real change in your family, consider taking the course called THRIVE! It will give you a practical plan for guiding your children from where they are to where God wants them to be.