Teach Kids to Understand Conflict

Conflict is inevitable in family life, whether it’s between siblings, parents and children, or even spouses. But how we handle it can make a world of difference. By helping our kids understand what conflict is and how to address it, we can equip them with lifelong skills for managing disagreements and emotions.

Watch this short video of Dr. Scott Turansky describing and defining conflict.

Defining Conflict

Conflict can seem overwhelming for both parents and kids, but when broken down, it’s made of two main components: problems (or differences) and emotions. Recognizing these two aspects can significantly reduce the intensity of conflicts. If we teach our kids how to solve problems and manage their emotions, much of the conflict can be avoided or managed well.

Ephesians 4:2-3 gives us a solid foundation for dealing with conflict: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” This passage reminds us that humility, gentleness, and patience are essential in managing differences and emotions.

Solving Problems vs. Managing Emotions

Kids often experience conflict when they face a problem they don’t know how to solve. As parents, we tend to jump in and solve the problem for them. However, one of the best things we can do is teach them how to solve it themselves.

One mom told the story of how her son didn’t have a fork at dinner. Instead of getting one for him, she asked, “What are you going to do about it?” This simple question shifted the responsibility to her son, allowing him to figure out a solution. When he found there were no clean forks, he creatively used a spoon instead. By letting him solve the problem, she taught him an important life skill.

In moments like these, we teach our kids that they can overcome challenges. Whether it’s a missing fork or a lost toy, we should encourage them to think critically and come up with their own solutions. This not only reduces conflict but also builds their confidence.

Tolerating Differences

While problem-solving is key to reducing conflict, so is learning to tolerate differences. Differences can exist between siblings, or even between parents and children. Maybe one child is more introverted while the other is outgoing, or perhaps a child’s interests differ from the parent’s.

These differences can rub us the wrong way and lead to conflict if not handled well. But we must remember that conflict isn’t necessary—differences are. God created each of us uniquely, and learning to accept and appreciate those differences is crucial to maintaining peace in the home.

As parents, we can model this by showing tolerance and understanding when faced with differences in personality or preferences. And we can teach our kids to bear with one another in love, as Ephesians 4 encourages. This might mean helping them see that it’s okay if their sibling enjoys different activities or has a different way of approaching tasks.

By teaching kids how to tolerate and appreciate differences, we are not only reducing conflict but also fostering an environment of respect and unity within the family.

Managing Emotions

The second key component of conflict is emotion. Often, children (and sometimes parents) experience strong emotions when confronted with problems or differences. A child might get upset when a sibling doesn’t share, or a parent might become frustrated when a child doesn’t listen. These emotional reactions can escalate into conflict quickly.

But emotions don’t have to control the situation. One practical way to help children manage emotions is to guide them in recognizing their feelings and taking a step back before reacting. When your child is upset, instead of immediately jumping in to fix the situation, try saying, “I can see you’re feeling angry. Let’s take a deep breath and talk about what’s going on.” This simple pause allows them to process their emotions before responding.

We can also help our kids identify their emotional triggers and develop strategies to handle them. For example, if a child gets upset when things don’t go their way, you might practice role-playing scenarios where things don’t turn out as expected. This can help them prepare emotionally and learn to respond with grace instead of frustration.

Building Peace in Your Home

Conflict doesn’t have to be a constant source of stress in your home. By teaching your kids how to solve problems, tolerate differences, and manage their emotions, you can create a more peaceful and harmonious family life. As parents, we can model these skills ourselves, practicing humility, patience, and love, just as Ephesians 4 instructs us.

What ways do you address or prevent conflict in your home? Other parents will be encouraged by your comments below.

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