Attitudes can be good or bad and they’re woven into everything we do. They often rest just below the surface and are sometimes difficult to read – in adults, let alone in our children. And they’re highly contagious. As a parent, you know that children can develop a whole outlook on life based on a TV show or by spending time with a particular friend. Attitudes affect how we view life and how we respond to it.
Attitudes become a problem when negative emotions affect behavior and relationships. It’s not wrong to feel bad – but when you act out because of those feelings, people get hurt. One of the most common ways parents see bad attitudes in kids is when children are given instructions they don’t want to follow. They may obey, but the attitude that goes along with the obedience tells a completely different story.
When a bad attitude shows up, it’s usually communicating something non-verbally – disgust, frustration, or disappointment. One practical way to address it is to unpack those non-verbal cues rather than letting them go by unchecked. You might say: “Wait a minute. It looks like you’re communicating a message there. Are you upset with me? I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, but I want to understand.” Addressing the non-verbal communication opens the door – either to stop the attitude or to start a much deeper conversation.
Often a bad attitude comes from an angry heart. Think of an onion with various layers. As you peel off one layer you see another, and another, until you get to the center. Anger works the same way. The most obvious expressions of anger are physical – hitting, slamming, kicking. As children learn to control their anger not vent it they peel off that layer, and underneath it is the layer of hurtful words – sarcasm, teasing, cynical remarks. Peel back enough layers and you find the bad attitude. That moaning, stomping, eye-rolling response when you give an instruction is anger – revealed in a different form.
